It's not always about the words. It's just having someone there to listen.

Oh hello.
I have a lot to say. But no way to say it, no one to say it to.

All things considered: The...thing, my favorite doggy dying, pissing off Allison and Bethany, today was a little bit better.
Well it was, it currently is not because I am sitting here thinking. Which is stupid.

How do I turn my brain off, besides having someone hit me with the force of Super Macho Man?
You don't. :c
Sadly my brain keeps going.

But I realized today that depression is a lot like a rainbow, or a bubble, as horrible as I am feeling right now, this very second, it will not last forever.
There is not a day that I go through that I am 100% depressed. Sometimes I will be watching tv and something will make me laugh. A new wave of emotion will briefly cover all of the horrible, lonely, feelings I am having now. And those waves can only last longer and longer.

Another thing I realized is the importance of human contact...which...I am currently not experiencing.
My day is this:
5am: Cat finally is able to fall asleep as mom leaves for work
10 am: Cat wakes up and gets dressed, forgets to eat
11 am: Cat calls Allison and Bethany
11:10 am: Allison and Bethany are working out together today, sorry
12 pm: Cat gives up trying to find something outside of the house to do
1 pm: Cat starts thinking, begin stupid wallowing/pity crying
2 pm: Cat watches Everybody Loves Raymond
3 pm: Cat cleans her room, but gets distracted by photo albums and cards, more wallowing follows
4 pm: Cat's mother calls, tells her to stop crying, ask what she's accomplished today.
5 pm: Cat remembers to eat, sometimes she goes to find food, other times not.
6 pm: Cat tries to figure out what she should do with herself. How to better herself, how to become a stronger more desirable Cat. The more wallowing.
7 pm: Cat sits on her computer
8 pm: Cat sits on her computer
9 pm: Cat sits on her computer
Yeah. of course there is Internet talking going on in this time. Which is nice. I have Jon and Christine to talk to. Haha, they are pretty much the polar opposites of each other.

Ok. So since I've had a better day today I was thinking of me a lot.
I officially have the rest of my SCC classes picked out until I graduate (which will be this summer!!!)
I am so thankful I am getting out of there before it becomes SCUM.
After that....I dunno! Christine wants me to move to Cali with her and Joe, she then wants to move to Seattle! Which I guess we never know. I doubt I will have the money, but it would be neat to have a roommate for a little bit while I was in college....BUT. This is still a year away and a lot can happen by then!
I'll let you know what I think dear blog.
Later :3