Sunny Shitty Days Lead To Thoughts Of Things

Today was beautiful. The clouds were white and puffy, the birds were singing their songs of love, the flowers were showing off their colorful petals, kids were running around the green campus, screaming and playing frisbee, the sun was warm and had a big smiling face, he wore sunglasses too- and I gave it all the big ol' middle finger.

Flicking off nature. What a rebel.

The other day my cousin called to tell me he has become someone that he truly hates.
He told me that he does things that he knows will only lead to heart-ache and failure.

So I told him what any good cousin would tell him.

If you know you have become someone that you don't want to be - change it.
If you are doing something that will lead you to failure - don't do it.

It was so obvious to me when it was someone else. What is the problem? Be different.
But as I'm ranting to him about how to become a better person I realize that more than anything I'm talking to myself. Ouch.

Alright. So now that I have unknowingly handed myself the key to success it shouldn't be a problem. STOP being the old Cat that doesn't know Jack. DON'T keep making the same mistakes.

Believe it or not I have been figuring myself out.
I don't just sit back and watch the world go by. I no longer slide along and let everyone else guide me, fix my problems, tell me what to do.
I've been thinking about what I want. Not what others want for me.

For a really long time I've lived to please, to bid to every whim that anyone had. Be a doctor! She would tell me. And I would instantly want to become a doctor.
[Please note that my mother never wanted me to be a doctor :3] But while doing all of this, bending this way and that to try to please everyone I forgot about what I wanted, and it's just now that I've been working to get that back.

There are still times that I have to ask myself if doing this or that is really something that I want, or if it's just something to please so and so.


I have decided I want a tattoo. It's actually something that I've always really wanted. A piece of art that you can carry around forever and ever. Art that really means something to you.
I told this to my aunt the other day and she started crying. She BEGGED me not to do it. And maybe a few months ago I would have promised that I wouldn't get one, but this time I only said sorry, which only led to more crying. :/

OH WELL.






I swear I'm figuring it all out. At the moment it is all I can do!