So.
Bleh.
I am realizing the number of friends I have is rapidly decreasing.
I find myself asking all too often, What makes me such an easy target.
Being the so-called "slutty/stupid/annoying/outcast/beat-em-up" friend isn't fun. For the first 4 years that I have known most of these people I looked past this simply because that's how it has always been. But now I stop and wonder why this is still happening. None of my other friends are being beat up and/or suffocated while everyone else sits around and pretends it isn't happening. or worse. laughs.
In all honesty, up until this point I've just laughed along with them, shrugged it off. It's no big deal. But every time I come home physically hurt it gets more and more irritating.
I guess I haven't done anything about this before because they are the only friends I have. It's not like I'm the most popular or approachable chick in the galaxy.
So, what I'm trying to say is. I wish that while I was around my friends I felt safe and loved.
What do I do? Should I just leave all of my friends and try to start over? It sounds harsh, but having a serious talk isn't working, because they don't take me seriously.
Maybe there is something wrong with me, because I still love all of these people. So, I guess for now I will work on not being used and beat and etc etc.
QWERTYUIOLKJHGFDESXCFVGBHJ.
Ok. That's all. The Pokemon Movie is on and I totally want to watch it.
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Well, we've basically had this conversation before. As stated, there's no easy solution except for the one you choose because deep down, you're acting upon how you feel.
ReplyDeleteA choice that reflects where your heart is can most certainly result in persecution from those who choose to not understand, and is an unfortunate, and unavoidable, side effect of your willingness to act of your own accord.
True of any relationship, it's easy to get caught up in a comfortable spot, because you don't have to worry about the dangers unknown that change brings. This, however, stunts almost all levels of growth. To become stronger, you have to get out of the pattern that holds you in, no matter how much comfort it brings, or has brought.
When you are ready to speak, do so with no hesitation -- faltering only exhibits weakness, and that leads to uncertainty, which pulls you back into the pattern. Know what you want, know the danger, the losses, and most important, the progress.
The first step is the scariest, but the most important, because it will lead you towards your future. There is no reason for any soul to ever settle for less than what they deserve, so don't allow yourself to get stuck anywhere where you don't feel you belong, or where you don't deserve to be.
And remember, finally -- for all those who sneer, taunt, and accost, there are those who reach, accept, and love.
Aishiteru, zutto.