...Living the life of Caitlin Phares.
Age: 19
Height: 5'11''
Weight: 120 lbs
Friends: Limited to the Internet
Relationship Status: Very recently had heart stomped upon
Schooling Status: Her life as of now
Current Goal: Finding happiness in souly herself
Notes: It has been several years since I took up the identity of Cat.
Her character is an odd one, but I have found that it produces the most interesting results in all parties involved in her life. Her best attribute and her biggest downfall is most honestly her undying loyalty. When it comes to relationships a very visible pattern has occurred.
Step one) boy says he loves Cat
Step two) Cat now feels comfortable enough to return this love, fully committed Step three) Several months pass, talk of marriage, true love, etc. goes on, usually first coming from the male
Step four) Cat begins trusts and believes boy wholeheartedly without thinking that boy may change
Step five) Boy starts to distance himself from Cat
Step six) Cat senses this, begins to worry, ultimately makes everything worse
Step seven) Boy tells cat "it's not you, it's me"
Step eight) Cat cries (which of course is totally against my real personality. I never cry.)
Cat feels as if she will always be a stepping stone.
Loved, but not the one.
Cat is trying so hard to love herself and be happy with herself.
Cat is starting to break down.
Maybe this project should be terminated.
I miss Sweden.
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There can be a lot of differences in the pattern you have just described above.
ReplyDeleteRemember that not all boys who say they love Cat genuinely do. I do.
Remember that not all boys who say "It's not you, it's me" mean it the way they intend it.
Nothing you do needs to be for anyone else, because people do not NEED anything of each other. People do not even need each other. People who understand this ultimately draw others nearer for the proximity they would most desire -- impossible without understanding of the self, no exceptions.
You're 19, there's no reason to terminate the project. Just focus on the appropriate matter. Love finds love, and love can sense when love is falsely displayed.
Everyone plays the part of growth for another, as it should be. It just depends on what kind of growth you want to give.
I love you Cat, and nothing will change that. Just don't worry about all these small things you've listed.
Some people sound like gurus when really, they're just full of shit.
ReplyDeleteBe careful, Cat.
We need to talk when I get back in town.
ReplyDeleteSome people won't understand because they don't have capicity or willingness, so just trust yourself and don't worry too much about the judgement of others.
ReplyDeleteFollow what your soul tells you, and as truth, it will be what you need. That's all you need to worry about.