Does one really have to go through a horrible and/or life shattering experience to understand who they are, what they want, and what life is really all about? Or can someone just be born into the world all knowing? Or more likely, I suppose, find all of this out just by living day to day.
It worries me to be told, you need to grow up, you need to figure yourself out, you need to know. Am I not? Do I not?
Fine. So I can understand how I need to grow up a tad. Perhaps doing the "talk to the hand" hand when mother dearest hammers my nerves is a little bit 8th grade, and yes, I know very well that I need to get a job (which I am totally looking for yet dreading with every fiber of my being). But am I really that young for my age? Should I try to speed things up when I am where I need to be for the time being? Should I really skip through all of my happy-go-lucky life-is-cake-and-icecream phases and realize that life is a really shitty roller coaster ride that essentially one has to take alone?
Honestly, asking myself all of this isn't really clearing it up.
I'm torn between "I have to grow up so I can face the world like a tough girl" and "I'm scared to grow up, Neverland has been my home for so long"
Even though I'm not sure what is the best, I'm pushing against the big freaky door of adulthood. There isn't anything that I do anymore that I don't think is this ok? am I doing the best that I can do?
Essentially, I just want to make myself proud.
I want to make him proud too. It's not fair he has to wait around for me so we can communicate on the same level. Dating a little kid can't be much fun, just annoying.
This is dumb.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
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