Everyday

Oh hello.
Don't you know that I love you?
And I miss you so.

All these things that I've done.

I do not want anything right now.

I'm sorry I ruined your life.
I'm sorry you think that I am wrong.
I'm sorry you think that I have wronged you.
I'm sorry I am not the girl that you dreamed of.

Try to understand.
Try to see it from my side.
Try to be in my shoes.
But even then will you understand?

No, you won't.
You are drowning in your self-loathing.
You are too deep to see.
I'm sorry.
But you are.

Believe me when I say I understand. I understand more than you could ever dream of. I have been there. I have also been rejected. Not by someone who I never had in the first place, but by someone that I gave my entire heart and being to. Someone who I truly thought I had forever. I also have been rejected, dear.

You never even had me.
You have only had my friendship.
I am not taking that away.
So how can you be so upset with me for being honest.
For not leading you on.


Trying to make me feel like I have done something wrong will do nothing. So please, stop.

I'm a sexy international super spy who never cries!

...Living the life of Caitlin Phares.
Age: 19
Height: 5'11''
Weight: 120 lbs

Friends: Limited to the Internet
Relationship Status: Very recently had heart stomped upon
Schooling Status: Her life as of now
Current Goal: Finding happiness in souly herself

Notes: It has been several years since I took up the identity of Cat.
Her character is an odd one, but I have found that it produces the most interesting results in all parties involved in her life. Her best attribute and her biggest downfall is most honestly her undying loyalty. When it comes to relationships a very visible pattern has occurred.
Step one) boy says he loves Cat
Step two) Cat now feels comfortable enough to return this love, fully committed Step three) Several months pass, talk of marriage, true love, etc. goes on, usually first coming from the male
Step four) Cat begins trusts and believes boy wholeheartedly without thinking that boy may change
Step five) Boy starts to distance himself from Cat
Step six) Cat senses this, begins to worry, ultimately makes everything worse
Step seven) Boy tells cat "it's not you, it's me"
Step eight) Cat cries (which of course is totally against my real personality. I never cry.)
Cat feels as if she will always be a stepping stone.
Loved, but not the one.
Cat is trying so hard to love herself and be happy with herself.
Cat is starting to break down.
Maybe this project should be terminated.

I miss Sweden.